i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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