oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
my sisters under your porch take her home
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
We had to coat check the pizza.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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