You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
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