Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
