You kept calling me your small dog last night.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
