Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
