I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Randomize
