They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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