you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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