Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
