you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
4 words: hood of his car
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
