i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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