i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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