Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
