WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
