Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
