there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
