sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
