Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
