You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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