It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
