shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
