If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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