I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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