Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
