We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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