So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize