btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
wow bdsm is so cute
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
