But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Is it because I queefed?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
