I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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