watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
