He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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