I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
