allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
