you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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