I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
