I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
