when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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