This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
