did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
