I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
