There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
