i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter