I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this