The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE