Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here