I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
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Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero