Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?