The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
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nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead