I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
