i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
