i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize