do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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