the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
