I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
