Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
