I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
