Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
