i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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