Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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