if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize