There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
