when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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