you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
sex in a hospital.. check
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
