bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
