Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize