I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
