i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
The Olympian is in my bed
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
