We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
