i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
