My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize