So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
