I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
