well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
