So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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