Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I wear drunk well.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
