Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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