My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
