i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
