You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
